the archive.
"vol. 1 was made of short entries. lines that arrived quickly and left the same way. vol. 2 is different. these entries needed more room. they are the thoughts that couldn't be said in one sentence — the ones that asked to be followed all the way through. they are longer. slower. they ask more of you. i hope you find something in them. i hope something finds you."
entry no. 01
on the things we carry quietly.
there are things i never said out loud that lived in my body for years.
entry no. 02
a note on being too much.
i was told i was too much before i was old enough to know what that meant.
entry no. 03
the slow ones.
the slow feelings are the ones i trust now.
entry no. 04
on the years that felt like nothing.
some years don't feel like growth while you're in them.
entry no. 05
people who stay.
i've been thinking about the specific quality of people who stay.
entry no. 06
what healing actually looks like.
i think i had a wrong idea about what healing would feel like.
entry no. 07
on softness as a choice.
i want to say something about softness because i think it gets misunderstood.
entry no. 08
the conversations i kept having with myself.
for a long time i had the same conversation with myself on a loop.
entry no. 09
the people you become in different rooms.
i've noticed that i'm slightly different in every room i walk into.
entry no. 10
a brief note on patience.
patience used to feel like waiting for something to be over.
entry no. 11
on reading the room wrong.
i have misread rooms my entire life in a very specific way — i always assumed the best.
entry no. 12
what i wish someone had told me earlier.
i wish someone had told me earlier that the version of yourself you perform for approval is always slightly wrong.
entry no. 13
the ones who knew you before.
there is a specific grief that comes with outgrowing a relationship.
entry no. 14
on asking for what you need.
asking for what i need is still one of the hardest things i do.
entry no. 15
slow mornings as a form of resistance.
i started protecting my mornings about a year ago and it changed something fundamental.
entry no. 16
the friendships that hold.
i've been thinking about what makes certain friendships last while others fade.
entry no. 17
on the version of you that survived.
i want to say something to the version of you that got through the thing you thought might break you.
entry no. 18
on wanting things you can't explain.
i have desires i can't fully justify and i've made peace with that.
entry no. 19
things i know now.
i know that most of what i was anxious about did not happen in the form i feared it.
entry no. 20
letter to the girl who didn't know yet.
dear the version of me that didn't know yet.
entry no. 21
on the year ending.
at the end of every year i try to do the same thing: sit with it honestly.
21 entries