i've been thinking about what makes certain friendships last while others fade, and i think it comes down to this: the ones that hold are the ones where both people are committed to knowing the current version of the other person.
not the version from three years ago. not the version that was convenient to understand. the actual, present, complicated, still-figuring-it-out version.
the friendships that fade usually fade because one or both people stopped updating their picture of the other. they're still relating to who you were, not who you are. and that gap — between who you've become and who they think you are — eventually becomes too wide for the friendship to cross.
the ones that hold have check-ins. real ones. the kind where you ask how someone actually is and then wait for the real answer. those friendships are worth more than i can say. they are the ones that make you feel accompanied in your life rather than just observed in it.
@diverse_.writes