i was told i was too much before i was old enough to know what that meant. too loud, too sensitive, too intense, too in my feelings, too everything that couldn't be easily managed. and so i learned to edit myself. to turn the volume down before entering a room. to pre-apologize for taking up space. to make myself easier, softer, smaller — digestible.
what nobody told me is that the people who find you too much are simply not your people. that somewhere there are people who will look at the exact things you were taught to dim and call them the best parts. i found a few of them. slowly, over years, the way you find things that matter — not all at once, but undeniably.
i don't edit myself for new people anymore. not because i'm fearless but because the cost of that editing was too high. i paid it for years. i know exactly what it buys you. nothing worth keeping.
i'll take that. i'll take that into the next one.
@diverse_.writes